Nurse Nel's Laws Of Nursing

There will always be certain situations that you cannot just run away from, especially as a nurse.  Just when you think everything is going good! Someone just takes a huge $h!t on you...literally.

Just when you think you have enough time to sit down and chart... every single call bell begins to alarm and that patient that said they weren't in pain 5 minutes ago, is a 10 out of 10. Oh and the patient who is supposed to get discharged in 2 hour? Yea, I think he just fell...and he's now confused.

Patient has C. Diff, and there is POOP everywhere. Like I mean everywhere, the rails, on his hands, all over his sternal incision post open heart surgery. Lets not forget the brand new bed cover you just changed an hour ago and some flew on your brand new $40 scrub top.  Check the linen closet...empty...call down to the laundry room...no one answers...

6am rolls around, you are on your last med pass.  Check the Pyxis and the patient only has 1 medication ordered.  Standing PO 975mg Tylenol, just 3 pills...Box opens to take that Tylenol out, only 2 pills left. Oh and the Pharmacy is on change of shift when you call and need you to wait.

Don't you always love to see the patient smile when they get a bed bath in the morning, brand new gown, incisions cleaned, brand new linen on the bed...But when you were turning the patient to get that new linen on, the tube feed disconnected and you have a bed full of 200cc of tube feed and gastric contents. Oh and that insulin you gave an hour ago, better get started on that Hypoglycemic Event my friend and make sure you have that Amp of Dextrose Ordered.

You work 5 shifts straight, looking forward to a nice set of days off. Staffing office spends the next 4 days you are off calling you and harassing you that the whole hospital is short and they need you.

Just when you think things couldn't get worse? You have the biggest itch on your nose while your hands are covered in bodily fluids, oh and those glasses are all fogged up because of the mask you are wearing.

Patient census on your unit is low so they float 2 nurses off the floor.  Better get ready for the ER to send up every god damn patient they have.

You have been running around all day, giving medications, changing tube feeds, ambulating your patients, patient education, you did 2 discharges and 1 admission, haven't eaten, your bladder is about to explode and no supervisors are around to see what a great job you have done today.  When you finally sit down, your manager finally comes in and complains that every time she sees you, you are sitting down.

Patient who is relatively stable, dislodges their IV.  You better believe their H & H is plummeted and you need to give 2 units of blood, their pressure drops and you need to give a fluid bolus and some albumin.

Realize after that needle stick your patient is Hepatitis C positive and spend the 6 hours in the ED. You need to be at work tonight for your 3rd shift in a row and you probably won't get home early enough to even take a power nap.

The doctor that never answers their pager, has the worst handwriting and charts like a child in Pre-K is responsible for your most critical patient.

Finally get that pay raise you have been waiting for. Yea the hospital also started to charge you 50$ more for parking and union dues just went up as well.

Patient has a bed sore the size of a basketball on their coccyx.  You spend 20-30 minutes cleaning it and changing it.  Right after you are done the doctors come in and take it all apart just to look at it for 20 seconds.

When everyone knows your sickest patient doesn't have much time to live, the MOLST form is signed, patient is a DNR. You better believe that Asystole on the monitor is coming 10 minutes before change of shift.

Your 600 lb patient is completely immobile and your other patient needs assistance to walk to the bathroom, you better believe your co worker is going to have a bad back when you ask for help.

Just when you think your compressions are at ideal depth, the sternum caves in and the ribs break. Relax their champ, cut the depth of those compressions by half.